You hear a lot of talk in aikido classes about being light and gentle. It takes a long time for some people to buy into that model of martial arts practice. It might help you to think about it like this…
If you do something
that makes the other person
frightened or uncomfortable
Then he will naturally resist
whatever you are doing to him
You are making your own job harder
You’d be better off doing nothing at all than doing something to make the other guy fight against you more desperately.
Ueshiba said not to do aiki that everyone can see, instead do INVISIBLE AIKI!
(…because if they can see it and they know it is directed against them, it will make them spazz out and fight harder.)
Adapted from an article at Mokuren Dojo blog